Leaving Inner Space

Argh! Rainy days once again! Know what? I hate rainy season. Aside from the fact that it’s quite annoying going to work looking like a wet chick--not to forget that you can’t also don your pretty dress you’ve just bought from Folded and Hung cuz you have to wear something that is perfect for rainy days--but please! Not a water-proof bohemian skirt dude! One thing I hate most about rainy days? Memories! Well, call me a sentimental and emotional freak if you want, but the sound of the rain showers really causes a lot of stab on my heart. Oh well, of course, I used to love rain before! I’ve been a kid and kids love playing outside the rain. I’ve been to school, and as a schoolgirl, rain for me means NO CLASSES if not SUSPENSION OF CLASSES! Hahaha, those good old childhood years! Okay, so I do love rain. I love the cool breeze and the sound of rain on the rooftop. But that was before Oliver died. And now that he’s gone, I wish it will not rain for the rest of my days!
Memories of the two of us together, cuddling each other under the thick blanket during one of our getaways in Zambales, in particular, is what rain reminds of me. Well, it was summer time when we went to Zambales, but it’s already mid May so as expected, it’s already the start of the rainy season. It was so cold and we honestly weren’t able to swim on the white waters of Zambales because of the storm. So we just stayed inside the cottage and rest and talk and cuddle each other the whole time we’re there--and of course, we kissed a lot! Mushy! Wheww! I could still feel the warmth of his body sweetly embracing me! Those were the happiest days of my existence. We’re like really husband and wife then--going to the market to buy our food, eating together na nakakamay, talking about our love story and sharing our plans for the future, sleeping together. And this I tell you, it feels so good waking up in the morning seeing the face of your other half smiling at you like as if he’s been watching you and gazing at your lovely face the whole night! Oliver always did that to me. He would often wake up before I did and I would always see him gazing at me, then he’ll whisper the words I LOVE YOU that really never fails to melt my system, making it a start of a wonderful day for me. I just love those good old sweet days of ours. Never mind if it’s a takas and that my mom thought I was in Laguna with Liza. Honestly, there are no regrest whatsoever. And if there should be a regret, that will be just because I didn’t tell my mom the real score. But spending those feel-good moments with Oliver made it all amiss. I would have regret it more if I didn’t go on with my heart’s desires. At least, even if he’s no longer here on earth physically with me, I still have with me those wonderful memories that I would forever cherish inside my heart and soul.
And so, why do I hate rain? Because the sound of the rain made me even more feel the fact that those happy moments with Oliver can never happen again in this lifetime. Not unless God would grant my wish to bring him back to me at least for a day. It’s like rain showers add more insult to the already heartbreaking injury. It made me even more realize that , yeah, oliver’s already gone. Well, i’d love to love rain again. I’d love to feel the happiness whenever I hear rain showers. But I want to love it again with oliver. Hell yeah, I might as well just wait for my next lifetime. Hit it!


****it was a post i published over my Friendster blogs two years ago..i just thought of sharing this with whoever is interested in reading my blogs..thanks anyway!